How to Co-Parent Over the Summer
When co-parents follow these tips and put in a little effort, they can provide conflict-free, fun summers for their children.
Summertime is an exciting time for children—school is out, and the potential for fun is endless. For divorced parents, however, these ‘vacations’ can be much less enjoyable. When parents separate, it forces them to change their routines and re-evaluate their priorities, which can make co-parenting a challenge. Here, our firm will offer some tips on planning ahead and making every summer transition a smooth one.
Plan for Co-Parenting
One of the most important things to keep in mind is that co-parenting plans change often. Children get older, their interests change, and parents’ situations must be re-evaluated periodically. Kids thrive on structure and routine, and parents can give them what they need by planning summertime schedules in advance. If you’re unsure of how to create a co-parenting plan, a divorce attorney in Cullman may be able to help. Call today to schedule a consultation.
Get It In Writing
No matter the contents of a co-parenting plan, it’s essential to get them in writing. Summer days can be unpredictable, and plans may change in an instant. When they’re put on paper, however, it prevents conflict and gives both sides something to refer to when things get hectic.
Keep the Kids in the Loop
While parents, of course, have the final say, they shouldn’t plan the holidays without consulting their kids. Ask them how they’d like to spend their days and what they want to do most. Parents’ and kids’ desires often differ, and difficult choices must be made. By allowing your kids to express their wants and needs, you show them that you’re validating their feelings and trusting them to make good choices. This simple step will do much to restore a parent/child relationship that’s been damaged by divorce.
Set a Realistic Budget and Share the Costs of Summer Fun
Summer vacation isn’t cheap; the cost of vacations, outings, sleepaway camps, and trips can add up quickly. That’s why it’s so crucial for co-parents to be on the same page as far as spending is concerned. It’s quite normal for co-parents to share costs, and there’s no reason to feel shy about discussing money. It’s both parents’ job to give their children the best experiences possible, and cost-sharing will help do just that.
Don’t Turn It Into a Competition
In life, things aren’t always fair or equal, and it’s not unusual for one parent’s income to be much higher than the other’s. While these disparities are common, they shouldn’t create feelings of competition and resentment. It’s counterproductive, and it will likely damage the co-parenting relationship and make the kids feel guilty. It’s not money that gets a child’s attention; it’s the love, trust, support, and attention parents give.
Keep Seasonal Work in Mind
Divorces often leave parents strapped for cash, which leads many to pick up seasonal jobs in the summertime. Work can have substantial effects on summer custody schedules, as an employed parent may not always be available during scheduled hours. In these cases, co-parents should adjust visitation, agree to swap times, or look for childcare assistance.
Summertime work isn’t just for parents anymore. Older kids sometimes take summer jobs, which makes it even more challenging to maintain a co-parenting routine. When jobs and volunteer opportunities are accepted, parents should keep them in mind and maintain a bit of flexibility in scheduling.
Give Some Grace and Go With the Flow
Summertime brings changes in routine, which can be particularly stressful for young children. If a child typically spends most of their time with the other parent, feelings of sadness and homesickness may come. It’s normal, and it doesn’t mean they love you any less—they just miss what’s familiar and comfortable. Don’t take it personally; instead, give them grace and understanding.
Much of the frustration and sadness of custody exchanges can be prevented with some preparation and planning. Let the child know that they’ll be spending time away from their other parent, but they’ll see them again soon. Ask them to keep in mind that they’ll be with you and that you love them as much as ever. Both parents should take this step, as it will reassure an anxious child and eliminate some of the sadness they may be feeling.
Set and Maintain Boundaries
While many divorces and co-parenting situations are handled amicably, problems sometimes arise. High-conflict ex-spouses like to test boundaries, especially when the kids are out of school and they feel as if they have more access. Prevent a controlling ex from creating drama and micromanaging your life by setting and maintaining boundaries. Don’t give in, and don’t get into an argument. Instead, politely thank them for their input and suggest continuing the conversation another time.
Dealing With an Uncooperative Ex-Spouse
Even when parents work toward planning a fun, stress-free summer for their children, disputes can arise over vacation plans, expenses, and visitation time. Divorce and co-parenting aren’t easy, and requests often seem unreasonable. If a former spouse refuses to cooperate or act respectfully, follow these tips.
- Don’t try to control everything; focus on what really matters.
- Don’t use aggressive or demeaning language, as it will only fuel the fire. Stay calm and communicate in productive, respectful ways, especially when the kids are around.
- Try not to engage with the other parent, and consider limiting communication to text messages and emails, which can be documented. Ask a friend or relative to help with custody exchanges, as it will reduce the risk of an escalated situation.
If none of these strategies work and the other parent still won’t cooperate, there is help available. A local divorce attorney will protect your rights and ensure that the other parent fulfills their responsibilities.
Summertime Co-Parenting Isn’t Easy, But It’s Possible
Summer is when childhood memories are made, and it’s up to you to help them make those memories the best they can be. When co-parents follow these tips and put in a little effort, they can provide conflict-free, fun summers for their children. For help with custody and co-parenting, call our office to schedule a consultation.
